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Saint Augustine and his mother, Saint Monica: the tensions of Catholic Sexuality |
The synod address by Ron and Mavis Pirola, the
Australian couple who are co-directors of the Australian Marriage and Family
Council that is advisory to the Australian Bishops’ Conference on issues of
Pastoral life was a wonderful call for the Synod Fathers to examine their own
attitudes on human sexuality. Too many
Catholics—and perhaps especially those who are leading celibate
lives—consciously or unconsciously view sex as something sinful but which is
given some moral legitimacy in marriage if accompanied by a willingness for
procreation. Our attitudes on sex and
human sexuality are greatly shaped by Saint Augustine. Now, I need to say that I am normally a great
admirer of Augustine. I think he is the
greatest mind in the two thousand year history of the Church, including the Apostles. But even Augustine didn’t always get it
right. Augustine himself had flirted
with Manichaeism for about ten years, from his mid-thirties to his mid-forties
and Manichaeism tinged his attitude about human sexuality with its
Gnosticism. Augustine believed that
every sexual act, even in marriage, was sinful and was only justified by the
desire to reproduce. While the Church
does not explicitly teach this negative theology of human sexuality, this
attitude has never been effectively expunged from the Catholic mind. The requirement that a couple seeking to be
married must “be open” to the possibility of having children for the marriage
to be valid is one indication of this.
The prohibition of contraception is another. In practice, of course, the Church
understands that sex provides for married couples a depth of intimacy that is
inseparable from the physical pleasure; it does not bar from marriage couples
who for reasons of age or health are unable to conceive and, indeed, it
requires the sexual union of the spouses—at least once after the vows have been
made—for the validity of the marriage.
But lurking in the shadows of the Catholic consciousness is the
conviction that something so pleasurable as sex must not be completely
right. It was therefore a milestone of
change in Catholic thought when a married couple stood up in an assembly
charged with shaping the magisterium and declared that the fullest expression
of grace in their sacramental life was found in their sexual intimacy. As one priest I know expresses the same idea:
the spouses making love is to the sacrament of Matrimony what the priest
celebrating Mass is to the Sacrament of Holy Orders. Maybe we have finally slipped the bonds of
Augustine’s own anguish over the guilt his mother, Monica, instilled in him
about his relationship with the unnamed love of his life whom he abandoned at
Monica’s directive. (Augustine tells us
in the Confessions that Monica had arranged
a marriage for him with a woman of his own social class that required Augustine
to abandon the fourteen year “common-law” relationship he had with an unnamed
woman. He expresses the deep love he had
for this woman, his faithfulness to her throughout their relationship, and, of
course, she was the mother of his son Adeodatus.) The
marriage Monica arranged never took place as Augustine instead embraced a
quasi-monastic life after his baptism. One
would think that as a good Catholic, Monica would have been more concerned to
have her son regularize the union that had produced his son rather than arrange
a new marriage that would advance his career, but Monica is not quite the
spiritual figure to which popular Catholic hagiography has reduced her. Read the Confessions:
it is enlightening about the complexity of the mystery of sin and grace, in
Monica’s life as well as her son’s.)
Ah yes, the complexity of the mystery of sin and
grace. That leads us to the point of
conflict for many in the Synod and for even more of those following it from our
armchairs and monitors.
Now for what I am going to write, I am not a
theologian and am not giving a theological evaluation, only an explanation of
the phenomenon to the best of my ability.
“Gradualism” or “the Law of
Graduality” is a proposed principle in moral theology that recognizes that the
Moral Law (as revealed in Scripture and Tradition) sets a standard for which we
must all strive but to which we do not all achieve immediately. It is sometimes simplified to “you can only
do the best you can do” but such caricatures reduce it to moral
ambivalence. An example of gradualism,
one presented by Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio, would be of a woman who
marries a man who was abandoned by his first wife and left with three
children. Granted, the woman should not
have married the previously-married man in the first place until he received a
Church annulment. But now that she is
married to him, the Cardinal said, she cannot abandon him and the care of the
children. Of course, it can be argued,
that yes she can stay with him, but live in a brother/sister relationship until
his first marriage is resolved canonically.
Maybe she can; maybe she can’t.
She loves the man, he loves her, and they find great blessings in their
marriage—including in the sexual expression of their love. Maybe they can’t find the strength to live
without this intimacy. Maybe they try to
live in a non-sexual relationship and from time to time they fail. “The grace
is always sufficient for us to do the right thing,” one person once told me
when I presented a similar situation.
Yes, it is. But maybe the right
thing isn’t what we outsiders to the situation always think that it is. We need
to listen attentively to the stories of sin and grace before we
unilaterally—like the scribes and the Pharisees—make up our heavy burdens and
lay them on others’ shoulders.
The law of gradualism acknowledges that we develop
morally. We are not all the way yet at
perfection. We take two steps forward
and fall one step back.
This isn’t the same as moral relativism in which
there are no moral absolutes—it is the acknowledgement that we all grow in our
relationship with God and we all have room yet to grow in our relationship with
God and none of us will be all the way there by the time we are summoned to the
judgment seat. If we were we would not
need a Redeemer.
If you check my entry for July 19, 2014 you will
see that I wrote then about the theory of moral development which Lawrence
Kohlberg, a Harvard professor of psychology, developed a half-century ago. There has been criticism of Kohlberg’s schema
over the intervening decades, but I think it still has great validity. We move in our moral development from a fear
of punishment through a fixation on law to a genuine appreciation of the moral
good. (I am skipping several steps
here—check out Kohlberg for a more nuanced appreciation of his ideas.) I think this corresponds to the principle of
gradualism. As I mature both
psychologically and, from a Christian perspective, in my relationship with God
I come to an ever-deepening appreciation for what is right and what is
wrong. As I move along the spectrum, I
can not only move beyond a fear of punishment or the hope for some eternal
reward, but I can transcend the bonds of the law and see the moral good for
itself. I can also see evil, not simply
as it is defined by the law, but as it takes on its evil character from the
situation in which it finds itself. An
example of this—to resort to the trivial for ease of understanding—I like my
glass of whiskey at the end of the day.
There is nothing wrong with a glass of whiskey. However as the first leads to the second and the
second to the third and so on, the moral good (the relaxing glass of whiskey)
takes on an evil character. Another
example, somewhat more complex. I make
love to my wife. That is a good thing. It is, as the Pirolas point out, a
celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony.
On this particular evening, my wife is not sexually responsive and I
force her, not physically but still force her, to have sex with me. A moral good has become evil in a way that
the moral law does not foresee. The
moral law says that the wife has an obligation to satisfy the husband—and vice
versa. But the Law of Love, which is the
true moral good, knows that this must be done freely and without coercion. Those who focus solely on the Moral Law most
often can’t get a clear vision of the Law of Love (aka the Gospel), which,
again, was the flaw of the scribes, and the Pharisees. There are those who are frozen in their own
moral development and confident in their own righteousness without compassion
for the complexity of others’ lives.
This moral fixedness is neither spiritually or psychologically healthy and
can’t be allowed to be the moral guideposts—they are the blind guides leading
the blind (Matt 15:14).